Relationships are the most crucial area of life. Simply answer this question: Where are you NOT in relationship? 

And the most crucial of your relationships is your primary relationship with your spouse, partner, "significant other". 

The quality of your relationship impacts EVERY aspect of your life. When you're relationship is working harmoniously, you are more productive, you make more money, you are healthier and happier. And that doesn't even mention the huge impact your relationship has on your children. 

Why, then, does it seem so hard to make relationship work joyously and harmoniously? Why does it so often turn sour, indifferent or even hostile over time? 

For most of us, it started out wonderfully, right? We adored each other, we loved spending time together, we were eager to learn about one another, we were forgiving and gracious with each other's "weirdnesses", and our sex was great! 

But then something happened! Sometimes suddenly, but mostly gradually and sneakingly, like the chill on a spring day when clouds cover the sun. 

And then we wonder,  "What happened! Why is he not listening any more? Why does she not want to be intimate with me, like in the beginning? Why does he seem so distant? Why does she criticize me like that?"

There is a good reason for all this. No matter where you find yourself in relationship, take heart, there is hope!

So, let's back it up a bit here. 

Relationship is the one domain in life where we expect ourselves to excel with no training. Except, of course, for the mandatory classes we unwittingly took from our parents first, then Hollywood second. And with that level of education, is really is no wonder why we have such a hard time making relationships successful. 

You still make relationship choices based on the lessons from those classes.

Since you never learned, just as one example, to find out what you REALLY want in relationship, you're chasing after what you THINK you want. And you end up looking in all the wrong places because what you think you want lives elsewhere than what you really want. You are set up to never get what you want.

Another example: You know something needs to change, yes? You know your intimacy isn't what it used to be, and you try to fix it, right? He doesn't listen anymore, what to do? You tell him, of course! He doesn't change after the first time you tell him, so you tell him again! And again! 

She seems to criticize your choices these days! What do you do? Tell her to leave you alone? Withdraw into your own world of mental grumbling, TV watching, work? She only seems to be after you more! You withdraw more! Things turn worse, not better!

You are set up to fail. It's almost cruel irony that most of the things you try to improve your relationship, in reality make it worse! 

And what is needed is not just another way to talk nicer to each other (although that can be very nice and helpful). It's also not a new "contract" where you negotiate a "settlement" that allows you to co-exist under the same roof. 

You want so much more in relationship than merely co-existing. You want intimacy, connection, freedom, building together, supporting each other; you want to be your best self, and your partner to bring their best self to the table. You want to love fully, laugh, make love and see the stars, raise amazing kids, discover the world together, leave a legacy. 

Yes?!

What is needed is a totally, radically different way of relating. Just as roof work on a house that has a rotten foundation is pointless, so is adding new relationship techniques on a rotten relationship foundation.

The Heart of Relating will teach you a radical new paradigm for relationship ("paradigm" meaning "foundation", the entire way you look at relationship).